Riddle me this, Batman. What is the true definition of “ironic”? I don’t know, Riddler, what is the true definition of “ironic”?
Ok, enough of that. I just realized that I am a born rule follower that doesn’t like following the rules.
How’s that for ironic?
This realization came to me this evening as I did my nightly face-cleansing ritual. I’m doing my due diligence to get my entire being (inner and outer) prepared to resume my modeling career. I’ve been putting in work y’all! I’m 25 pounds lighter on the outside and I am a million times lighter on the inside (I said I’ve been putting in work!). Part of that due diligence is getting my face in order. Beauty shot ready. Some of y’all know what I’m talking about. Anyhoo, I am doing a sorta regimen to get this face all the way right. Part of that regimen was prescribed by my dermatologist. Oh yes chile, when your face is your money-maker, you best believe, come feast or famine, Momma WILL have a dermatologist! (insert one snap here).
As I was about to use this foam that she prescribed for me, it hit me, for like the trillionth time that I have NO idea what this foam is for. No clue. If you don’t know anything about me, please know that I have the WORST memory. Ever! So I’m sure the doctor told me exactly what this foam is for. I mean, I did remember that it’s the first thing I’m to put on my skin after washing my face. But after that, nothing. Nada. Zilch.
But being the rule follower that I am, I have continued to use the foam. Each and every time I wash my face, which is twice a day, I am reminded that I have no idea why I’m using this foam. And I’ve been using it for months! Yet, I use it because I’m a gosh darn, rootin’ tootin’ rule follower. And please don’t get me started on why I just don’t call my doctor and ask what the heck I’m foaming my face twice a day for. Just don’t. Let’s save that one for another article.
So, as I was having the “Really, Tomiko? Again with the foam?” chat in my head, I was immediately struck by the ridiculous irony that here I am following yet another rule and my life’s mission is to encourage myself and others to create and live by our own rules.
Every fiber of my being vibrates with self-definition. I cannot sit still while there are millions, heck billions, of human beings out there “living” their lives by someone else’s rules. Their entire existence is a conglomeration of the thoughts, opinions, commands, and suggestions of other people. Everyone from their mother to the lady in the car next to them who they think is looking down on them because she has a better car, makes up who they are. There is no room for them to insert themselves into who they think they are because the space is taken by everyone else’s crafting.
My every word is said with the purpose of righting that wrong. My every word.
And now my conundrum (as I literally just grabbed my chin in the “thinking” way) of trying to suss out why this duality in me exists. Because I know that’s why this is so for me...because I’m supposed to learn a lesson. You see, prior to my inner work (which will continue until the awareness that I’m about to take my last breath, so I’d better savor it, happens), I would have driven myself, and everyone around me, insane trying to work this problem out. I would have made myself wrong. I would have darkened my light just a bit more with worry about how everyone must be perceiving me. I would have done internal damage.
But now that I am awake, sh*! is coming faster. The good stuff, I mean. The stuff that comes from up underneath the earth because of how deep you have to go for this particular lesson. When MY lesson shows its charming face, I now know to run in its direction. I no longer turn away from the challenge of growth. I fall breathlessly into its arms.
So now I leave you with something to ponder. The next time the real YOU conjures up a lesson to show you just how inauthentic you are BEING, will you open your arms or will you turn away?
Tomiko Fraser Hines is a mother, wife, model, actress, and motivational speaker. When faced with infertility, Tomiko chose to share her story openly and honestly with the public. Born and raised in the Bronx, New York, she currently resides in Los Angeles—where she plays her most passionate role yet—mother to twins Kaden and Bryce and wife to her husband Chris.
Follow Tomiko at TomikoFraserHines.com
Facebook
Pinterest
Twitter
Instagram
The post Is That The Real You? appeared first on MommyNoire.